All is fair in love and war.. no wait.. really?

We've all heard the saying, but I've begun to wonder if its really true.. let us dissect.

Usually, when hearing this comment, the part that I take away the most from is the War aspect.  What I mean by this is that, I'm looking at all the facets of War, and then applying those to Love.  Using this standpoint, the way I see it is this:  

"Because all cards are thrown off the table, and everything really is justifiable in war, then we take that, and relate it to love, saying that everything is justifiable in love."

After trying to get around this for the longest time, I have come to realize that no.. not everything is justiable in War.  A good example of this, consider the My Lai Massacre during the Vietnam war.  Or, we can look at terrorism, which stems from the justification of Jihad.  We can even look at Preemptive war, such as the 6 day war in Israel, or the recent war in Iraq.

You can't possibly look at these incidents of war and say that yes, the actions taken were fair game.

Therefore:  No, not all is fair in war... and if that is the case, then the same can be said about love.  

Sorry people, find something else to compare acts of love to.

I think a more fitting quote would be:

War can be ugly, as can love be.

I think that war and love are two things that we live with.. and how we conduct ourselves in both situations is very open to scrutiny.  I just can't swallow the fact that people are allowed to commit atrocities in both love/war and be ok afterwards..

But I do have to admit that some things HAVE to be done in love/war.  For instance... General Sherman's Scorched Earth tactics during the Civil War (He left every field burned in his wake as he marched through the South in order to slow down the confederate war machine).  Or we can look at the atomic bombings of Japan that forced the Japanese Government to unconditionally surrender.  

Some things must be done, but other things such as the mass murder of civilian non-combatants cannot be justified.  

Taking the analogy, some things in love must be done.. but other things cannot be justified.  I won't delve into specifics, that would just start up too much debate.

Specifics shouldn't really be the crux of this blog, just the clarification that "All is fair in love and war" is bullshit, and "War can be very ugly, as can love" is a more fitting quote.

I do have to apologize however..  The strength of good arguments depends on a balanced look at both sides of the equation and the concept of conceding to the other side.  I feel as though my blogging on this subject is obviously a little lop-sided, and this makes it come off as more as a rant than an invitation to open forum on the topic. 

I guess my own personal dealings in the matter have skewed my judgement, so lets just close on this note..

Realize that some things in life must be done, but not everything is acceptable to do.

Being able to sleep soundly at night is important.

Its too bad that good sleep is a totally subjective topic.

Control.

Being a student of life, its my purpose to learn as much as I can, and hopefully become a teacher one day.  One thing that has come up in conversation with various friends is something I think needs to be brought to light.  I think that a look into frustration and how to handle it is something that everyone could use (especially with everyone busy studying for finals!).  We've all been there before..  usually more than once in life. It sucks, is there anything we can do about it?  I think that there is.

The thing that is so universal about frustration is that it applies to all aspects of living.  

To form a basis that we can build from, lets set some foundation so we can tackle the problem of frustration.  Lets imagine that this post is like calculating a physics problem in a vacuum tube devoid of any friction.  Its not meant to be the end all solution to all people's problems with frustration, its more of an ideal that hopefully we can learn some fundamentals from to gain some understanding, which hopefully can be applied to our everyday situations in life.

Life 101.

Frustration.. in a vacuum tube.

Frustration Defined.

- an emotional response to circumstances where one's goals are thwarted.

To put it simple, frustration is how we feel when we are trying to achieve something and ultimately, we do not meet that achievement.  

Now its time to define one more word, what exactly is an achievement?  Lets break it down into two parts:  Life Needs, and Wants.

Because life wants are so varied and can be justified in a million ways, in this discussion, we're only going to address life needs.  For now, lets consider life wants as the friction in our experiment which will be absent.. for now.

To simply our problem of basic needs in life, lets break it down into three main categories.

Health:  the general condition of both body and mind.

Wealth:  financial well-being.

Love:  social well-being.

Returning to our problem of frustration we have a few things to look at now.  

I. We know that frustration is not being able to achieve something.  

II. Also, we know that achievement in life is based on needs and wants.  

III. Therefore, one important source of frustration, stems from inadequate gains in our basic needs in life (health, wealth, & love).

Since we now know where frustration can come from, how do we address it?  Sadly, its time for some tough love..

Its time to shift our focus to another word, and people.. that word is control.  

To understand how to tackle frustration in a systematic way, we as people need to understand a simple fact:  Some things in life can be in your control, and some things in life are not in your control.

We as humans, rational creatures, must know the level of control we have over things in life. Control is the ability for individuals to influence outcomes and achievements.  And now its time for a cold hard fact:  If you don't have control over a situation, then there is no way that you can influence the outcome.  

This next sentence, we all need to read very slowly, so that we can understand it.

If we can acknowledge that a set goal that is made to better one of the three basic needs of life (health, wealth, & love) is actually a situation that we have no control over, we must realize that there is nothing that can influence its outcome.  

Now, if you can't influence the outcome of a particular situation or goal, there should be no reason to feel frustration from the resulting outcome.  

That realization might be hard for many to swallow, but its something that objectively, we can all agree to.  You couldn't do anything to change the outcome, so why feel frustrated as though you could have?  

As robotic and cold as it sounds, it is the truth.  And sometimes, the truth sucks.  You just gotta know that some things in life are out of your control.  People, you can't beat yourself up about things that you have no control over.  True, not everyone is perfect and disciplined enough to follow this rule 100000%, but thats ok.  Whatever we can do as individuals to better understand a situation, and therefore find some amount of alleviation is one step closer to getting rid of our frustrations in life.

Now, lets look at the other half of the equation.  What if we do have control over a situation?  

Having control means that you have influence in the outcome of a situation.  

Hard life fact #2:  If you really need something in life, you gotta do everything in your power (with adherence to social objective morality) to get it.  There are no consolation prizes in life people, you get nothing for not achieving a set goal.  All you get is frustration.  

The big difference between this frustration, and the first type of frustration outlined above is this:  having influence means that the outcome can be different.  This means that even if you fail, you can do things that will make the outcome different the 2nd time around.  The frustration from failing, can be erased by succeeding in your goal.  If you really need that goal, you gotta do everything in your power to get it done.

Lets do a recap of what we have.

1. Frustration stems from unachieved situations in life.

2. Situations stem from the 3 basic needs in life (health, wealth & love).

3. Some situations in life can be influenced, some situations cannot be influenced.

4. Frustration stemming from situations that we have no control over does not need to exist, because the outcome of those situations cannot be influenced.  

5. Frustration stemming from situations that we do have control over can be erased, because the outcome of those situations can be influenced.

Logically following, we have 2 types of frustration that are defined by the level of control that we as individuals have over them.  

What we need to do then to ease our frustrations in life, is to determine whether or not there is a level of control that exists.  Is whatever you're frustrated over something that you have control of?  Or is it something that you don't have control of?

This is the crux of our class today.  Determining the level of control that we have.  By knowing whether or not control exists, we should be able to ease some of our frustrations in life.

Again, we're not perfect.  This is not meant to be the end all solution or law to solving life's problems.  Its just something that maybe we should think about, to better understand life's problems.  

Take it with a grain of salt, but take it.

Creepy.Romantic.Obsessive.Delusional.Insane.Human?

I tried to come up with a more fitting title, but I'm just too lazy this morning.  

I was listening to a song that I heard on the radio in my car, its titled "Can You Tell" by Ra Ra Riot.  Usually when I hear a song thats catchy enough to fulfill my snobbish musical thirst, I'll go home and take a good look at the lyrics.  You know, to like really get what the artist is singing about.  This song in particular, is talking about a human emotion that I'm sure you are all too familiar with.  I'll sugar coat it, and just call it a "crush".  For your viewing pleasure, here are the lyrics.

Can You Tell

By Ra Ra Riot

Have I been too discreet 

How long am I supposed to wait 

I think about you nightly 

Oh can you tell I'm losing sleep 

What am I supposed to do 

It's hard to stay cool 

When you smile at me 

And I get nervous every time you speak 

My bed's too big for just me 

When you turn your eyes 

I promise I won't care 

Standing by your sister fair 

Oh baby baby baby please 

My heart sinks to my feet 

What am I supposed to do 

I think about you nightly 

My bed's too big for just me 

When you turn your eyes 

I promise I won't care 

Standing by your sister fair 

Standing by your sister fair 

Standing by your sister fair 

When I look into your eyes 

I tend to lose my thoughts 

Don't forget your stare 

Oh what was that you said 

Would you let me know 

'Cause I can't read your mind 

Oh can you tell 

I can't even explain 

Oh baby I can't even explain 

What am I supposed to do 

It's hard to stay cool 

When you smile at me 

And I get nervous every time you speak 

Oh, standing by your sister fair

Since you've had a gander at the lyrics, lets get to the meat of this blog:  Why is it that the line between what is considered romantic and creepy so transparently thin?

In the song, the artist is talking about alot of things.  Shit like, losing sleep.  The nervousness that accompanies being within the same vicinity of your romantic interest.  The inability to explain why such feelings are there.  Losing your thoughts when you look into their eyes.

Now as lame as some of this stuff may be, I don't think there is a single human being who can admit that they have never shared these same feelings/experiences before.  

Here is the twist:  If we can all admit that as humans, we're social creatures of desire, and that we have all experienced these feelings before.. why is it socially unacceptable to portray these feelings?  

Just to make things clear, when I say socially unacceptable, I don't mean that your general populace will stone you to death.  All I mean is that most of your friends will think that you're creepy, or that confessing such feelings to another person is very out of place, uncalled for. Going over the edge.  Let us dissect.

1. We can agree that all humans are social creatures.

2. We can agree that it is natural for people of the opposite sex, or sometimes of the same sex to feel attraction.  Although the attraction is not always reciprocal.

3. In order for something to be socially acceptable, it must spring forth from an objective understanding.

If these facts are true, then something as human as displaying affection should not have the socially demoralizing consequences that accompany it.  

Now lets get this straight.  Before I get blasted by various people arguing that someone expressing their affection for someone else is romantic and that "I wish more guys would do that," lets be completely honest.  

The ideal is romantic, but its execution is not always warranted.

As a result, we are left with movies, songs, art, and other mediums that we use as humans to express emotion.  Now this would just be fine and dandy but not all of us are directors, musicians, artists.  

What is it about the human emotion that makes us so afraid to display it on a general basis?  Emotion is something that is very human, something that we all experience, so it would only make sense that more people would be apt to display emotion.  

I'm left with only one argument that can possibly explain the phenomenon.  While human emotions are objective, I think its the value of the emotion that is unique to every human.  This unique value makes emotion a subjective creature and therefore, would explain why portrayal of emotion is so personal.  But if this follows, it would mean that as long as two people can touch on a personal basis, portrayal of emotion is acceptable.

Just a thought..